Circadian

Most of my married friends now have children, the rewards of which appear to be exclusively intangible and, like the mysteries of some gnostic sect, incommunicable to outsiders. In fact it seems from the outside as if these people have joined a dubious cult: they claim to be much happier and more fulfilled than ever before, even though they live in conditions of appalling filth and degradation, deprived of the most basic freedoms and dignity, and owe unquestioning obedience to a capricious and demented master.

I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life.

– Tim Kreider, “The Referendum“, NY Times, 9/17/09

To this I would only add that I know that not all children are like this, nor do the ones who are stay that way, but we are talking about perception here.

And that, in another similarity to having joined a cult, parents seem unable to avoid proselytizing. To put an uncharitable spin on it, parents are like someone who has made a dubious purchase: they seem intent on speaking only of the intangible benefits, luring others into the same decision in an attempt to dilute their own foolishness in numbers in a very “misery loves company” sort of way. Or, more charitably, to vindicate their decision has having been the “right” one to make.

I do take umbrage with some of the article, however. Rapidly approaching 40, and reading about the recent flowering of a friend of mine who, I suspect is approaching 50 [Edit -- in fact she is past 50, according to her blog. What an odd pair we made when I was 20 and she in her 30's. Was it simply that we were both 'non-traditional' students?], I simply can’t accept the notion that, as quoted in the article, “Acts demolish their alternatives.” In this day and age, there are no limits to what a person can choose to do. We do not need to ossify as time goes by, and in fact, I finally find myself in a place where I can start doing some of those things I always wanted to do, but considered secondary to the more mundane issues of career.

No, I may feel a palpable, green jealousy over having not been the one who articulated the quotation that begins this discussion, but I certainly can’t subscribe to the notion that our choices narrow as time goes on.

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 27th, 2009 at 12:11 pm and is filed under Family.